


Loving Him

by murdocks_matthew



Series: Thiam Week 2017 [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, thiamweek2017, thiamweek2k17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 23:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12286437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdocks_matthew/pseuds/murdocks_matthew
Summary: Theo is not sure how he ended up caring so much for Liam. He doesn’t know how he went from being annoyed by the boy, to admiring him, to loving him.Day four: friends to lovers





	Loving Him

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot to post this yesterday so here it is. It's actually the first thiam fic I wrote and I don't know how I feel about it. There are parts that still need work and I might fix them later but I don't have time to right now

If someone had asked Theo Raeken a few years ago what his biggest fear was he would have laughed and said he had no fears. That fear meant emotion and emotion was weak. He would have been lying though, because he was afraid of being alone, he was afraid of letting people in, he was afraid people would see him as he saw himself. He was afraid that he would die alone and unloved. Today if you asked Theo what his biggest fear is he would still lie. He couldn’t say he had no fears because people have seen that he is afraid of reliving his sister ripping her heart out of his chest. Since people already know that he is afraid of that he will claim it to be his biggest fear. Now while he is afraid of that along with other thing Theo’s true biggest fear is that Liam Dunbar will die and there will be nothing he can do to save him.

 

Theo is not sure how he ended up caring so much for Liam. He doesn’t know how he went from being annoyed by the boy, to admiring him, to  _ loving _ him. Theo had lied in the hospital when he told Liam he wouldn’t die for him and he’s sure Liam heard his heart skip a beat when he said it. He isn’t sure if Liam had been lying when he said he wouldn’t die for Theo because he hadn’t been listening for his heartbeat instead he was thinking about all the ways Liam might end up dead before the night was over. Theo had been willing to die for Liam during the wild hunt just after getting brought back to life. He doesn’t know how Liam could not know that he matters to him but they’ve never talked about that. Theo isn’t sure he wants to because talking about it means that he will have to think about how he is willing to sacrifice everything for Liam. All of Theo’s life he’s only thought about himself and he will have to think about what it means that he would be willing to die for Liam if the time came.

There have been times Theo has considered just getting up and driving away from Beacon Hills. There’s nothing really stopping him since he’s not a part of the pack and isn’t sure if he ever will be. If he was able to join he knows he will never be fully trusted. However, every time he considers leaving he thinks about Liam, he thinks about his smile, his laugh, he even thinks about the way Liam looks when he’s angry. Theo isn’t sure if he’d be able to cope without seeing Liam at least once a week and he definitely couldn’t live with himself if he left and something happened to Liam that he might been able to stop. Theo can live with killing his sister but he cannot live with the thought of Liam dying. He wonders what kind of person that makes him. He also knows what that means about his feelings for Liam but he knows that there’s no use in even thinking of possibilities because Liam would never feel that way for him and even if he did Scott would never accept it. 

 

Some days Theo does entertain the thought of trying to join the pack, doing whatever he can to redeem himself and gain some trust. He thinks that maybe then Liam would maybe consider being with him or at least being actual friends instead of what they have been doing. They currently only spend time together when there’s danger and then save each other's lives then never talk about it. Theo hates it. He hates wanting Liam, and hates how willing he would be to die for Liam. Most of all, he hates how he cannot hate Liam. Theo would be perfectly okay if they could just be friends; he wouldn’t mind watching Liam love Hayden or anyone else if he could have a friendship with him like Scott and Stiles. Theo hates himself after those days for allowing himself to think about possibilities of being with Liam because he knows it’s never going to happen. He often avoids Liam as much as he can after days like that so he is able to push his feelings down again and pretend like they where never there, let’s just say that it doesn’t work out too well.

 

Often after the days Theo thinks about possibly being with Liam he starts to notice the way Liam looks at him, he even thinks he hears Liam’s heart beat faster if Theo talks to him, but Theo is sure it’s just his mind playing tricks on him. Theo is sure that Liam would never want him the way he wants Liam. It doesn’t matter that whenever the pack makes jokes about how Liam would be perfect for Theo that Liam’s face turns red, it’s probably because Liam is trying to fight his anger because what else could it be. It doesn’t matter that sometimes Theo catches Liam looking at him with a thoughtful look on his face when he thinks Theo won’t notice. Or that Liam occasionally will open his mouth like he’s about to say something and pauses then when Theo raises his eyebrow Liam will say something that doesn’t seem like what he was originally going to say. It doesn’t matter that when they are on late night stake outs that Liam will start asking Theo personal questions and that when he asked Theo about relationships and Theo had replied that relationships were stupid and connections make you weak that Liam looked disappointed. None of this matters because if Theo let himself believe that any of this means that Liam wants him back and Theo let himself hope and find out that it didn’t he would be crushed. That is why Theo never let himself get attached because attachments make you weak and Theo cannot be weak. He had never had a problem with it until he met Liam and that bastard somehow crawled inside Theo’s dead stolen heart and refused to let go. Liam can very well destroy Theo and he would let him which is why Theo pretends not to notice any sign that could possibly mean that Liam wants him. 

Theo has been trying to forget about Liam pretty much since the day they met. He knew that Liam would end up being a problem but Theo never imagined how much of a problem. He knows it would be so much easier to just forget about Liam or break the ties they’ve made. Theo could finally get out and go back to not caring about anyone other than himself. It was safer that way even if it was more lonely. It’s too late for that now though because he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to go back to being an emotionless asshole. Theo constantly finding himself doing something nice for someone else. Even when he was a child everything he did always had a purpose and it was never to just be nice. Theo isn’t even doing nice things to try to make Liam like him even though it started out that way. He’s doing them because afterwards he feels good and it’s a much better feeling than hating himself. Theo doesn’t want Liam because he makes him feel better he Theo wants him because Liam makes him a better person. 

Now even though occasionally Theo thought Liam might want to be more that friends he never thought Liam would ever do anything about it. That is until one night after they got back from a fight and Liam invited Theo to spend the night since it was late and nobody was home since his mom and stepdad had gone away for the weekend. They were just watching some stupid show trying to recover from the battle when Liam looked at him and before he could ask what was wrong Liam kissed him. Liam immediately pulled away and apologized. Theo just tried to smile and say it was okay both their emotions were high and they could just pretend it never happened. Theo assumed he wasn’t doing a very good job at pretending to be okay since Liam didn’t just nod along and go back to watching the show. Liam asked him if he wanted him as more than a friend and Theo was exhausted and sick of lying and told the truth. He told Liam that there wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t think of him and how he was pretty much the only reason he hadn’t skipped town yet. Liam looked at him a little bit hopeful and worried and asked Theo to promise to never just leave without an explanation and maybe not even then because he wasn’t sure he could take it. Theo promised he would never leave him unless he asked. Liam kissed him again and Theo finally felt at peace. He didn’t care that this could all end the next day or about all the reasons he shouldn’t all he cared about was how Liam’s lips felt pressed against his and Theo was going to enjoy that for as long as he could.


End file.
